Mission Statement Generator by Dilbert
If, like me, you think that Company Mission Statements are often not worth the fancy cards they are embossed you should take a look at Dilbert's Automatic Mission Statement Generator (unfortunately no longer available online). It looks like many of our major enterprises and public organizations have used it already!
Heres 3 examples of the great work Dilbert's MSG automatically produces:
"We have committed to synergistically fashion high-quality products so that we may collaboratively provide access to inexpensive leadership skills in order to solve business problems"
"It is our job to continually foster world-class infrastructures as well as to quickly create principle-centered sources to meet our customer's needs"
"Our challenge is to assertively network economically sound methods of empowerment so that we may continually negotiate performance based infrastructures"
Strangely these look worryingly familiar so it would be fun to create a list of 3 real MS and jumble them up with the 3 MS generated by Dilbert above to see if anyone could actually tell the difference!
So dear reader I challenge you to send me the 3 most buzzword-loaded generically-meaningless genuine Mission Statements from real organizations you can find so we can do that experiment.
Thanks To Peter Fryer for spotting this beauty!
About Ken Thompson
Ken Thompson delivers keynote conference speeches, workshop facilitation and in-house consultancy in four key business areas:- Creating High Performing Teams in enterprises including Virtual and Mobile Teams (based on the Bioteams Book)
- Establishing effective Collaborative Business Networks enabling companies to co-operate effectively in areas such as sales and product development (based on the book - The Networked Enterprise)
- How to use the latest social media technologies including blogging and online communities to promote enterprises, brand, organisation or event
- Development of graphical on-line interactive Business Dashboards and What-if Simulators for organisations to support Performance Improvement, Strategy Development and Executive Team Development.
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Bioteams Books Reviews
When Rational People Make Irrational Choices
Ori Brafman introduces his forthcoming book, “Sway: The Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behavior” by sharing a very sobering tale which illustrates how even the most trusted professionals (airline pilots) can depart wildly from the rational under certain pressure conditions.
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Virtual teams interactive online event
Heike Philp, CEO of Let's talk online, will be hosting a virtual panel discussion with Nancy White, Ted Kahn, Robin Good and myself on the topic ‘From Virtual Teams to Global Work Teams’ on Wednesday, 15th of February, 4pm (GMT +1) Worldtime. You can join free from home or from work, from the States or from Europe. For more details.
Wired Magazine features Bioteams
Are you smarter than a goose? Sure you are -- one on one. But when it comes to working efficiently, you and your colleagues can't touch the gaggle. According to author Ken Thompson, geese and other animals that naturally form groups have a lot to teach us about business. In a theory he calls organizational biomimetics, Thompson lays out the principles underlying nature's management strategies. So what can you learn from a bird or an ant? Take a gander. Katharine Gammon at Wired Magazine reports.
Do People Really Pay Attention During Online Meetings?
Robin Good comments on research by both Russell Research and Raindance Communications, Inc., showing that online meetings fail to engage anything like the full concentration of the participants who utilise their spare brainpower bandwidth to multi-task and do other things. We should have a prize for the person who has done the most unusual thing whilst "technically present" at an online meeting?
The mission statement seems very interesting, social and challenging. The empowerment and the world class infrastructures just made it perfect.
Actually, if you read them carefully and with a degree of acceptance of a generator's average skills in English, those mission statements are actually meaningful and certainly not as ambiguous as many `real-world` mission statements.
Such as, rather famously,
"The New Ventures Mission is to scout profitable growth opportunities in relationships, both internally and externally, in emerging, mission inclusive markets, and explore new paradigms and then filter and communicate and evangelize the findings."
Hi Lev
Thanks for a great comment which I totally agree with.
Sometimes when I am driving I go past a vermin exterminators office under the title "Commercial Hygiene and Health Solutions" and the local refuse disposal company working as "The Environmental Systems Management Company" and wonder when was it that business branding consultants totally lost the plot.
Many Thanks
KEN
Spain's ESADE Business School also has a mission statement that reads like a pile of shit but then that is in keeping with the institution!